3rd wk in

“17 … satisfactory MO amalgam”

I scribbled that down. At least I’m doing something. Something that will take my mind off it. Still cant believe that just happened. I’m jus going to pretend nothing happened and go home and cry. Looking around, other people are still doing their own things, well that’s one less patient for him.

“16…”
Oh yes, I’m scribing for someone.
“Satisfactory PFM crown”

A nurse walked past peeping in checking if everything is going alright. Yea, she was kind. Very empathetic. She was trying to console me when the patient left. I know I was holding back my ‘disappointment’ then. And I said something stupid just to take the attention off me- the lights couldn’t be switched off. Pretending nothing happened, I started tidying my stuff. And she and another nurse started talking to me. Saying how this system is retarded- not that exact word- tutor working non-stop, having more tutors to supervise. And suggest that maybe I call the person back again.

“15-4-3”
“yup?”
“a bridge- abutment, pontic, abutment”

I could have done stuff for him. Like at least a restoration. That sharp edge on his 12, that black 13 root didn’t even got checked. But I cant coz I didn’t get my plans signed off. And the tutor still justified his actions after the event, saying it was 10 mins coz mine wasn’t a priority and if the patient couldn’t even wait, it’s better to leave now rather halfway thru the treatment. Now he’s gone and I can't even do a thing. My patient and I were ‘connecting’ well before that. He was a pomme. Went to war- talked about his tank caught in a firing range, becoming a cook after that, coming to wa, working in a mining site, handling explosives. But then what happened after he went to the toilet? I’m still shocked. From that.

“12 normal”
“sound?”
“that’s the word”

He came back, I went over to sit him down and he said:
“I don’t think I want to wait anymore"
At first I still don’t quite understand what he meant, if I understood him correctly. Then he reached over to take his jacket and umbrella that we’ve said I would remind him to take.
“it’s not your fault” he said to me
“cant you jus wait for a while more? I’ll do a scale and clean, might as well, since you’re here”
“nah mate, don’t bother, have a good life” and he pat on me and started walking off.
“ I'm not coming back so don’t bother calling me” he said before disappearing out the door.
I was left dumbstruck, and nurses started to come over asking happened.

“21..”
“sorry, what was 11”
“sound, 21 satisfactory MO composite”

Maybe I should just concentrate on this instead.

photos

Have been playing with picasa editing tool. And lovin some of the photos.

how i feel at times...and loving this vid...

and 25 hrs today!!

graduation

看了朋友的毕业照 很想马上毕业
戴着四方帽、礼服 扮美美 到处走透透取景拍照 uni,河畔,公园
让父母骄傲一下 深知他们供我读书不易 我也成人成材了
一定要拍很多很多照片 难得一生一次（一次也够了）
同班同学一起毕业 60几个 经历五年的风风雨雨
朋友们祝贺 又在拍照
手里捧着一束花、一个洋娃娃
再拍一张正式（破口袋）的毕业照 那些手里捧着文凭卷 书架为背景的那一种
可惜没四方帽丢
一定会很开心 很幸福 所以要拍照留念
所以要买个好相机

再熬多三年 再挨多三年 就要到我了

*灵感自某女性朋友的照片 所以所想象的难免有点出入

黑色星期五

黑色星期五。
莫名的空虚，生活少了什么似的。
我不知道别人还怎么懂呢？所以就把它挂在心上某一条心弦。
家里很静。想离家出走。骑脚车，搭巴士到city也好。
最后还是决定留在家。
脑子空空的，自然会找东西装。
自己，家人，朋友，生活，性格，未来，感情，计划，金钱。。。
今天难得4小时break，和一班朋友到nando's 和gelato打发时间。发现：
原来自己背后可以发生那么多事。被人讲闲话也不会知道。
原来人可以那么‘两面’。
原来那么多人可以讨厌那么多人。
原来那么小的事也会惹人讨厌。
我则静静坐一旁聆听，不希望被别人影响。

要找爱好，培养新兴趣。
学新的语言，学吉他，学photoshop 我都想

看了一幅照片 顿时想到北京紫禁城 看清明上河图
想一日回到古时代 看看生活是怎么样
我不只想要travel 我还想time travel

早. Woke up 10 plus. Stressed out looking for houses- the same feeling like last yr- suffocated and helpless.Ended up having talked into sharing a house with 2 other people. One of which is my coursemate (which I really tried my best to avoid sharing the house last yr- coz I hv problems listening to him (and it’s not jus me)...sigh~~) and his friend. So there’ll be 3 dents and an engineer. 3 ABC and 1 me.

Arvo. Went out at arnd 1pm plus to avoid open house (for prospective tenants). I even kept everything and make the house look like no one came back yet- coz I kinda told my agent I’ll be back on the 20^th. Went city to get a sim card, recharge card, international calling card. Had hungry jacks for lunch. Came back, washed my mattress protector, blanket sheet etc. Then slept for 2 hours .

Malam.  Cooked ravioli again. Passed the stuff to my sis. Hope she’s doing ok. Came back fiddle around with nothing. Got a nasty surprise- 2dvd (songs and photos) I copied using another laptop cant be read on my laptop…T.T

I’ve realized wat’s wrong with how I view things- I always look at things from a ‘big picture’ point of view and trying to squeeze all the details possible- which jus makes things messy. Like how I write stuff and take photos.

King’s park got burnt- photo soon 

second last day

internet's back on- hence the sudden increase in post...

worked last night- and i was sick- runny nose. and i had to look down to actually do my work, so it was disgusting, good thing it wasnt busy. should have jus called in sick, but i didnt know it was that bad and because i have never turn up for work sick so i wasnt expecting that...

going home tomorrow
but it feels unbelievable- like wow, i'm going home tomorrow, so soon...
does that mean i'm happy or reluctant to go back?
and with everything i have to do before i actually go back- do all the laundry, clean up my room, buy the stuff i need to buy, finish all my food and make sure everything is off/closed (electricity, water, windows, doors) -i dont have enough time
oh wells, i can always not sleep and sleep on the plane- departing 1940 reaching 23?? at brunei

scare the hell out of me when i checked all the post i posted- they were gone- all because the date format- eg for 1st dec instead of the normal 01/12/08 i had to type in 12/01/08 (the american style) ...so i had to go jan 12th to change it...get it?

GG

I’m smiling. Never have been happier. In the middle of the night. I’ve finished Gossip Girl Season 1. Ok I know I’m kinda behind already.
But, never thought I was gonna say this, that series is awesome. No wonder it got so many ppl hooked.
I have to say E10 and E16 is the best- for different reasons.
Backstabbing, friendship, cheating, love, peer pressure, lives of the rich, family etc.
Cant wait till the whole of season 2 finishes before I start another few days of non-stop roller coaster ride.
But for now, season one will have to suffice.
XOXO

On a side note, made me realize something- being materialistic is only for the rich, and about having a brother’s love.

I’m kinda enjoying the no-one-else-at-home scene atm. No one to be worried about, can totally go into the kitchen late at night and make the din and not worry (but my neighbour), having clean up after myself only, blasting the music loudly etc.
But I know I wont survive living alone for a year…

and working in summer sucks- coz they crowd never stops- so for the first time, i finished at 10.45pm(instead of 9.45) and reach home around 12am-gg..

out!!- celebrating

I am freaking happy… very happy…VERY HAPPY!! Thank God Thank God Thank God…
I was like praying hard when I was checking results, but it wasn’t out yet
Until I decided to go back to sleep and someone called me to ask how my results were
I was terrified before the exams thinking I might jus fail
During exam I was calmer after seeing the paper thinking there might a chance of me passing
And now the result is out
And He is gracious..

刚看完I am legend。戏里主角是世上唯一一个生存者。一种莫名的感觉在心中顿时萌起。顿时觉得自己很孤单，朋友一个一个回去了，屋友也即将离开，世间仿佛也仅剩我一个人。 呼吸开始困难，情绪开始不定。自己就好像随时就会崩溃。

phone

Talked to my mum just now after 3 weeks

It appears that I’m going to kl- due to miscommunication
I’m suppose to buy sth for my grandpa when I go see him in KL
Exchange rate dropped again- to 2.2
My fren’s mum passed away 2 weeks ago after battling for 5-6 yrs
My bro now exercises ‘his rights’ in not doing housechores
My sis is finishing SPM soon and she’s coming over next yr
I’m leaving this place on the 12/13 dec
I’m coming back to this place on the 18th jan
Within which I’ll get my driver’s license

and i jus watched the kite runner...nice

情绪酝酿到暴了才上来
是荷尔蒙失调吧
脑袋空空的 自己喜欢无中生有

人比人 气死人
和他比
比财产 比身世 比生活 比他拥有的
比牙齿 比幽默 比色盲 比酷 比社交圈子
比得没完没了
结果比输了
会恨他 还是远离

原来我不色盲
对颜色还很执著
对颜色看得很清楚
有黄，黑，褐，白

我白色朋友写到：
“Drilling 这门东西 面对的不是偶尔的挫折
而是反复的失败 直到成功为止
这 就费了一年的练习与情绪上的控制
或许 是祂有话想说
难道 是我一直以我学业的成就拟定我的身份、价值
而忘了我是创世者的孩儿这身份
难道 我太依靠自己的能力 相信自己
而不依赖祂
我要反复的提醒自己
it is at those points that we need to depend on him the most; to surrender it all
我学会了 我不是因我成就而存在 这些成就也不是我
我的身份 不会因为我露宿街头 而改变
因为我依然是祂宠爱的那一个”

1030pm 刚打完工
在同样的巴士站下
只是这次 巴士站旁的酒店
举办着我们牙科生一年一度的晚宴
欲上楼拜访 最后还是放弃了
快乐这么近 可是那么远

原来 我犯了那么多滔天大罪
还总是自圆其说
所欲 物质上的享受
所思 色
所求 人比人 比死人
其实都不符游戏规则
要比就和祂比 是比不赢的

接受还是改变 我问了好久
事情的真实性无可否认了
接受了又怎么样 改变的话要怎么样
我选择了逃避

我dirty linens 都摆出来了
Cabinet里的skeleton 也有葬身之地了
这住宅区不愿意容我了
要是人生可以更新
唯有这样作为象征
谢谢大家的支持

Current state

back is hurting due to back posture when studying

eyes still sting

diarrhoea this morning- went to the toilet 3 times but amazingly healed after the exam(I bet it has sth to do with stress)

starting to panic for my next exam coz I didn’t know there was that much to study until last night when I checked- well good thing I suppose, at least I didn’t stress out that much

tired, exhausted. Let’s see I slept 5 hrs on 16th, 2 on 17th, 4 hrs on 18th, going to sleep 6 hrs (make that 5 now) on 19th, prob 2 hrs on 20th and I will be free….

Internet and msn is bad for me…

Pictures around(yes I was very very bored, tired, to the point of insanity):

Bird's eye view of my table- not like a bird can fly in my room

water bottle, watch, chewie, toilet paper (i had flu, nothing else), lollies

levitating laptop, lamp, lecture lnotes,

if only lecture notes were filled with random photos

my file- change my notes inside after every exam

a white thing...

my beloved lamp which has followed me for 2 yrs...

it was 3 remaning- now 1 left!!!!

yes i pretty much chucked everything onto my bed and then put everything back onto the floor when i need the bed...everyday

energy drinks- no i didnt finish it in one night- balanced it with coffee

starburst...mmmm..sugar...

ice cream.....*drooollllllssssssss........coffee flavour+chocolate-coated almond

I am extremely ‘hardworking’ during exam times ho…coming here everyday…~.~’’’

5/7

下午时分 – 我疯了！曾一时想过宁可学怎么考试时候扮昏倒。
晚饭- 烧鸭饭。苦中的甘（还有咸，卤） :)
深夜- 心情稳定下来了…可能是因为没上msn，没被朋友stress；可能是刚才洗了厕所（明天inspection）; 多半是祂的呵护。
一把鼻涕，一把highlighter。
现在要把past paper 看完，答案念过。
准备睡两小时。起来一杯咖啡，把全部东东在看一遍。
一年worth的东西，三小时匆完...

shoooooooooot

18PG





Again. Tired, mentally.
It’s as if it’s neverending, I can never be ready enough for the exam
Jus when I thought I can take it, one small little detail blew me off.
7 hours straight in Reid library, highlighting pages after pages
Trying to memorise everything that I have to
Procedures after procedures,
Concepts after concepts,
Numbers after numbers,
And I am going to give up on anatomy and material science- and jus pray it wont come up
All this jus to learn the theory of making fake teeth.

And people. I hate people. Homo sapienS
People who jus talk non-stop on the phone trying to share stuff. I need to study.
People who stress out and complain to me. and make me stress out. I need to study.
People who jus talk to me on msn coz we hvn’t talked for long. I would love to but I need to study.
People who ask for my help. I did. But that’s wasting my time, and it may jus backfire this time and people don always appreciate. I need to study.

One more day, one more night
And it’s exam time.
Shud I do an all nighter tonight and tomorrow night?
Considering I’ve been sleeping very little and the body has taken a toll
And I jus got this email reminding me how shit my health is atm- acne vulgaris , liver intoxication, dorsalgia, ..
I hvnt even started on the partials yet and the past papers too. Apparently they kill.
So people are panicking, and words like
F***, S***, die,
screwed, kill, cry,
suddenly came into our dictionary.
AND we lived happily ever after.

我只想闭上眼睛 5 分钟也好
看完6 个lecture 就可以休息了 可是这几个lecture至少也有50页 而且全部都是要背的
明天醒来还要把全部在看一边 因为真的是不记得
周末-也没得休息 因为还要赶另一张考卷
刘力杨的《靠不靠谱》 不知道听了几次了
因为喜欢副歌的部分 因为没新歌听 因为旧歌听厌了
最后两瓶鸡精 明天一瓶 拜一一瓶 家里带来的一盒就这样完了

我不知道 我不知道 我不知道
我很累 眼睛很‘刺’
对自己很失望 自己ego放弃了id
我不想睡 睡了时间就没了
明天的试卷是最简单的其中一张 可是为什么我还那么stress 不是我一个罢了
还有好多好多要念的 又超无聊（关于怎样做research）念又念不进
真的很想放弃就算了 可是不可以不pass
开始饿了 可是最近好像饿惯了 酸了一下就没事了
我真的要睡了 很烦

--

结果睡了四个小时 起来是还狂k书
考试还好 不太难 多靠上天
下午睡了四小时弥补

CC

I was reading the newspaper just now, and I saw a news report on Canning College’s International Student Graduation Ceremony. Man, that was ages ago. What 3 years already? Ok. Two. But yea, seemed so long ago.Our year has definitely started something new by having the graduation dinner at Hilton. A google search (a cat must have died somewhere at the same time) found a few blogs with photos of the ceremony and a video on youtube. It was just like ours, all the emotions, the photo taking sessions, the ‘lecturer-appreciation’ speeches, the performances, the awards. It wasn’t too long ago, that we graduated from that place. And now there’s ‘juniors’ whom we don’t even know going to join us in uni. Seemed so distant aye…

I was going to write about my year there, but nah…it’ll take forever, and I got more important things at hand i.e. exams. Maybe some other time, when I’m inspired again…

One more day till exams…panic+nervous-ness+fear+worry+adrenaline rush+stress starting to resurface after much suppression for the past few days… might jus break the seal..lol

Feel so weird typing in English again…

妈，生（我）日快乐！
原本不想‘致词’的。。。
前夕
唐禹哲的歌陪着我 在library
图书馆外 小组的‘惊喜’celebration 超棒的巧克力蛋糕 很好的朋友们 大牙齿的生日卡
图书馆里 朋友给的祝福 女儿的生日卡
一路骑脚车 背包里载满幸福
回到家 手机的短讯 facebook上的祝福 msn的问候 近的远的
我study week故意空了明天 可以好好庆祝 （也是万一念不完 有extra day 可以用）
今晚梦一定甜

当天
一早醒来 （其实也让自己赖到十点） 屋友送一盒forrero rocher 感愧交集
午餐 和同年同月同日生的朋友 （只差不同医院） 去了韩国餐馆
晚餐 和一班朋友 all of whom I’ve hvnt met for soooooooo long (ranging from 2 weeks to half a year or more )
The candy bag chicken-rice cake candle corny-ness camera-flashes car-rides and the great company

后序
一生只有一次20 （废话） 很高兴这次能过得那么愉快 因为也完全没碰到书
想起来 有点像塞翁失马
以前还认为挺可悲的 不再会有心情庆祝
现在觉得 是百忙中赐的快乐 是一个 ‘安息日’

感动 感激 感谢 感慨

我在浪费时间

感觉上有点在孤军作战 ~_~

原来上网可以上瘾的 :

~中午上网查了怎么去掉衣服上的茶迹（用柠檬水/醋）@.@

~之前发现我杰伦的专辑曲名完全不对 早知道不要那么快下 况且也并不是很好听 >.<

~刚才狂下歌 部落格看见人家提起什么歌 我都下 现在平均五分钟有首新歌听 :0

~喜欢这部落格的feel 还赢了什么大马中文最生活化部落格 :)

怎么办 倒数一星期 平均一天要温习一个unit T.T

明天8 to 5待在med library aza aza fighting~~